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December 14, 2013. 11:24pm. A few minutes ago, I finished decorating the Christmas tree, turned out the lights, and sat down to enjoy it. The tears flowed easily as I gazed at all of the memories on that tree. As I was hanging ornaments, it struck me – I didn’t realize how many angels I had, but this year they seem to have taken on new meaning.
A year ago on this day, I knew we were nearing the end. Tonight I sit here looking at pictures, and it doesn’t seem possible that she’s even gone – let alone gone an entire year.
It was just after noon on December 15, 2012, that she went home.
What a dichotomy… the sorrow of missing her so much that it physically hurts, yet gratitude in knowing she’s no longer suffering. 
The thing about life, I guess, is that our faith is constantly tested. We are reminded by virtue of the word itself, faith – we’re asked to trust in the illogical and the uncertain. It’s one of the most difficult things of all, isn’t it? Believing what you can’t see or touch… trusting that a Higher Power has control of everything, even when we don’t…
The Long and Winding Road... 
Thank you, Ann. So beautiful and tender. May you be surrounded by angels.
It was in the months leading up to your mom’s death that we made contact, so in a physically distant but close hearted way, I’ve traveled along with you and still do.
With love and comfort on this one-year anniversary filled with grief and love (and relief that they no longer suffer).
Elaine
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Grief and love… so bittersweet. I had a long hard cry last night. Today was all about baking and soaking up the love and warmth that filled my house. I have a feeling Mom was smiling down on us with great approval.
Tonight, as I sit here alone, tears are once again near the surface. How is it possible to know someone is gone, yet at the same time have this foggy notion that it’s only temporary? Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me, and then reality comes along like a full on kick in the stomach.
I don’t even remember exactly how we crossed paths now, Elaine, but I’m so thankful we did. As you said, physically distant, but very close at heart. You have been immensely helpful to me and your friendship is a treasure. xo
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Holding your grief tenderly, Anniversaries make it all so real. Balloons were beautiful and so like you (or what I know of you). I think you connected with me on FB through Martha Stettinus when she wrote about her mother (and before her book was released.) It was during those hard last six months (approximately) with your mom–her struggle, her wild grief, calling in hospice, your frazzled exhaustion and tears.
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