I’ve been on edge all week for multiple reasons, one of which was surely the fact that Mother’s Day was everywhere I turned. Tomorrow will be the fourth iteration of this holiday since my mom’s passing. While the cutting pain of fresh loss dulls over time, grief remains. Days pass, then months and years; the pervasive ache is more intense in some moments than others.

While I had my car in for repairs a few nights ago, I lost count of the number of Mother’s Day related images that popped up on the television in the waiting area. Across from me, a mother and daughter engaged in an animated conversion peppered with laughter for 90 minutes. Even after the daughter’s car was ready, the pair remained in their chosen spot enjoying each other’s company. After 10 minutes or so, I’m ashamed to say I wanted to stand up and scream, “YOUR CAR IS READY – YOU CAN GO NOW!”

Sometimes when I see mothers and daughters out shopping together or enjoying lunch on a sunny restaurant patio, I’m enveloped in a flood of emotions. Happy memories frozen in time, yet sadness for what might have been – even a hint of jealousy. I want to be doing those things with my mom. I always envisioned her as a sassy, spunky, vibrant 70-something. But I had it wrong.

I’m thankful to know she’s in a better place, reunited with those she loved who were waiting for her on the other side. The thought of her beautiful soul now released from a weary body and muddled mind is comforting to be sure, but it doesn’t make me miss her any less. Still, the notion that her spirit is present in every moment and every beat of my heart is reassuring.

 

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Mother’s Day 2016

Dear Mom,

I can hardly believe this will be my fourth Mother’s Day without you. Over the past several months, I’ve realized that in many ways, I miss you now more than ever. Someone suggested it’s because as life moves on, we yearn to share everyday happenings, milestones, joys, and sorrows with that person who was once such a significant part of our world.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve wished I could pick up the phone and talk to you about anything and everything. Trials and tribulations at work, the thrill of life’s most memorable moments, and the sheer joy and pride that comes with being a mom. I miss sharing laughter and tears – and everything in between.

From the mundane to the extraordinary, I just want to sit and share a cup of tea or a few glasses of wine and a long conversation. It’s sad to think of all the things you’ve missed out on, but that realization fuels the fire that burns deep inside me. I’ll continue fighting this battle until we win. Marilyn’s Legacy: A World Without Alzheimer’s – what a day that will be!

With love always,
Ann

Other Mother’s Day Posts
Mother’s Day Reflections: The Journey Continues (05.09.15)
Missing Mama (05.10.14)
And So It Begins: Mother’s Day (04.28.14)
Mother’s Day Memories (05.12.13)
Mother’s Day Blessings (05.12.13)
Dear Mom (05.09.13)
What Is Your Mother’s Legacy – Caregivers.com (05.09.13)
Mother’s Day and Melancholy Moments (05.12.12)