Last week was difficult. It’s amazing how you can plug away, day after day. Minding your own business, not letting your thoughts get the best of you, and then it happens. You see or hear something, and suddenly harsh reality slaps you in the face… Without warning, the weight of the world is upon you, and there’s not a thing you can do about it.
I think the approach of Mother’s Day has had me in a bit of a funk to begin with, but when I saw the piece below on Facebook, it was enough to send me over the edge. And, once the tears started, there was no stopping them until I was literally cried out.
I’ve never wanted to live my life with regrets. Everything is a learning experience, everything happens for a reason, and the bottom line is, we can’t go back and change anything anyway. So, why dwell on what might have been? Generally, when you look back years later, you realize that your mistakes made you stronger or taught you a valuable lesson. There was a reason. But, where my mom is concerned, sometimes, I just can’t reconcile my mistakes at all.
I wish with all my heart that I had been more patient and understanding at the onset of this damn disease. I wish I hadn’t buried my head in the sand, denying that something was very wrong. Ah, I recall thinking, “She isn’t trying hard enough!” or “She isn’t staying active enough!” or “Why is she telling me the same thing AGAIN?” I think my own inability to face the fact that I was losing my guiding light manifested itself such that I just couldn’t rationally deal with the everyday things. Coping mechanism? Surely, I had to have known deep down that this wasn’t just forgetfulness or “a normal part of aging.” So why wasn’t I more patient???
Life is short. Special moments come, and they go just as fast. One day everything is normal, and the next day, the world has been turned upside down. The person you knew and loved is gone, and you miss them more than words can say. Relish the time you spend with loved ones, and if you find yourself heading down this heart wrenching road, try to remember that they can’t help it. It’s not that they aren’t trying, or aren’t listening… They just need your patience, understanding, and love now more than ever…
♥ Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. ♥
Letter from a Mother to a Daughter
My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”… Just listen, please.
Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl?
When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way… remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day… the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.
If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked.
When those days come, don’t feel sad… just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you… my darling daughter.