Book Review: Elegy for Mom


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Elegy-for-Mom_BookCvrI’m often asked to review books on the topic of Alzheimer’s/dementia caregiving. I’d love to have time to get to all of them, but with limited bandwidth, I’m forced to pick and choose. Today, I’m happy to share Elegy for Mom: A Memoir of Family Caregiving, Alzheimer’s, and Devotion, by Vicki M. Kaufmann. At just over 100 pages, it’s a quick, easy read, yet covers a lot of ground!

In writing Elegy for Mom, Kaufmann’s goal was to share useful ideas and resources based on her own experience caring for her mother. To the degree possible, she wanted not only to offer support, but also to help bring meaning to the journey and reveal some of the blessings that can be found along the way.

Although the author has a background as a counselor, the book is really a very personal look at caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s. In fact, Kaufmann states early on that despite her clinical experience, she was unprepared for the job of caregiver.

She describes feeling emotions so many of us can relate to: first comes denial, followed by anger and depression, and finally, resignation. Kaufmann believes caring for a family member is a spiritual calling and often a “pathway to new levels of grace, courage, creativity, and love.” This resonates with me; through my own journey with my mother, I found courage I didn’t know I had, became a more compassionate human being, and felt a depth of love I didn’t know existed. Ultimately, like the author, I found purpose in sharing our story to help other families.

While no one would choose this journey, I truly appreciate those who can find something positive in the experience. Long-time caregiver and leading advocate Meryl Comer refers to this as “flipping the pain,” which is so fitting. We can wallow in grief and sorrow, or we can find something to be grateful for and even use our experience to ease the pain of others and affect change. Choosing the latter doesn’t mean there will never be sorrowful times when tears flow like a river; it just means that at the deepest level, we choose gratitude over bitterness.

vicki-imgElegy for Mom is filled with moving original poetry, snippets from Kaufmann’s personal journals, family photographs, and samples of her mother’s original artwork. Each chapter tackles a unique sub-topic, ultimately painting a picture of what could be any family making their way through life with Alzheimer’s – one day at a time.

Throughout the book, the author also includes tips for caregivers, grouped by topic: making the most of visits, dealing with the stress of caregiving, finding the best facility, and even simple affirmation exercises to fuel the spirit of the weary caregiver.

I found Elegy for Mom to be a lovely blend of storytelling, practical tips, helpful resources, touching poetry, and wonderful artwork. It’s a unique compilation based on one family’s experience – both a loving tribute to the author’s mother, Sophia, and a thoughtful, reflective gift to other caregivers. Kaufmann succeeded in crafting a gem that would make a great addition to any collection.

Tell the Presidential Candidates to #ENDALZ


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With the general election less than four months away, we must let BOTH candidates know we expect them to make ending Alzheimer’s a top priority. This is a bipartisan issue – Alzheimer’s affects all of us regardless of political affiliation! We are not the red party or the blue party, we’re the Alzheimer’s party and we will be heard!

Click the red button below to join me in asking our next President to help end this devastating disease by making a commitment to fully fund the $2 billion that researchers say we need annually to find a cure.


Remembering Pat Summitt


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pat_summitToday, our hearts are heavy with the loss of a legend – a loss at the hand of Alzheimer’s.

May Coach Summitt rest peacefully knowing she impacted countless lives during her time on this earth. What a tremendous coach, role model, and human being.

My mother was an avid follower of women’s basketball and a big fan of Pat Summitt. Both were beautiful, strong, vibrant, seemingly invincible women – and then came Alzheimer’s.

Attitude lies somewhere between emotion and logic. It’s that curious mix of optimism and determination that enables you to maintain a positive outlook and to continue plodding in the face of the most adverse circumstances.

Coach Summitt’s spirit and memory will live on, continuing to touch lives, empower women, and inspire people of all ages. We can honor her life and all the lives lost to Alzheimer’s by boldly continuing to fight this horrific disease. We must be resolute in our determination to #ENDALZ, and we simply cannot stop until the battle is won.

In the coming days and weeks, our hearts and prayers will be with the family, especially son, Tyler, as well as Coach Summitt’s many friends, colleagues, and former players.

Read more about Pat Summitt in this New York Times article and in this press release from UsAgainstAlzheimer’s.