The past week has been quite a roller coaster ride. My mom has taken a turn for the worse. She stopped eating and drinking last Saturday. We can get her to drink some Ensure or a few sips of juice or tea now and then, but she’s even turning down ice cream – her favorite thing in the world. She is sleeping anywhere from 12-14 hours/day.
…It’s funny, I thought I was prepared for this, but I guess you are never truly ready…
While this week has been heart wrenching, I am so thankful for the time I’ve been able to spend with her. I was at the house for about 30 hours straight Tuesday/Wednesday, and we had some beautiful moments that I will cherish forever.
The most difficult part of all of this is seeing her struggle, and unfortunately during waking hours, she is often very restless and doing a lot of screaming, hitting and biting herself, and several other things that are sure signs of frustration and dismay.
I am taking some comfort in the fact that I feel certain she actually does know who I am, and she is most definitely responding to me in a special way. I have also been comforted by a few things that have happened in the past week that feel like signs. Signs that everything is going to be okay, that God is here with us, and while none of this makes sense, He has us in His care.
I took the photo below last night. I’ve been very careful about what pictures I want to take during this time, but I knew I had to capture this moment. When she is awake, she often stares at the ceiling. She is definitely seeing something very beautiful and comforting, as she always appears peaceful and content when she does this.
During these moments, her eyes are almost glistening with wonder. It is nearly impossible to get her attention – she is very focused. Watching this is surreal, but it gives me a sense of peace as well. There’s not a doubt in my mind that the angels are preparing her beautiful wings in anticipation of her arrival… and I think she’s watching them. She’s so tired, so worn out from all she’s been through in the past decade, and she knows that soon she will be whole again…
A friend shared this with me yesterday, and it is so helpful when I begin to feel lost.
Be still, and know that I am God