I’ve been having sinus issues and coughing – off and on – since this past fall. Just when I think it’s going away, it pops back up, so I (finally) gave in and went to the doc today. Hopefully a course of antibiotics will clear things up once and for all.

I love my doc, and this visit was more emotional than I expected. You see, she was my mother’s physician first. She was the one I contacted when I finally came to the realization that something more than “she’s just getting older” was going on… I remember making an appointment, then emailing her ahead of time since I knew I wouldn’t be able to give her the full story in front of Mom without upsetting her terribly.

She was the first to administer the MMSE, which, of course, confirmed our fears, and together we watched the score decline with each future exam. She was the one I went to for guidance when I knew Mom just couldn’t drive anymore. She was the one we cried with, more than once. Oh, we were in that office so often for awhile, it was like a second home.

After some time passed, I knew Doc could understand; she could truly relate because her father-in-law was having the same issues. I was surprised to find out today that he passed away just 10 days before my mom, on December 5. As we shared stories, there were some striking similarities.

She let me cry on her shoulder (literally) as she assured me everything I’m feeling right now is perfectly “normal” and that it takes time. A long time. And that while everyone else is just going on with life, it’s natural for me to be screaming internally, “Wait a damn second, NOTHING is normal… Life.is.not.back.to.normal!! I lost my ROCK, people. How dare you just act like life is normal!”

She reminded me that I really DID do the best I could each step of the way and that back in the early days when I lost my patience, it was because I was human. She talked about how her FIL drove her nuts at times, emphasizing the point that we’re all human. And she shared some of their funny stories, which in turn reminded me that even up until those last several weeks, we did have GOOD times. And joy. And laughter. And love. Always love.

It was a good talk. I went in for a sinus infection and ended up getting 45 minutes of therapy, which I apparently needed as much as the antibiotic… Thanks Doc.

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