Two months, and not an hour goes by that I don’t think of Mom. Today, I received a card from one of her former co-workers who had just learned of her passing. In the note, she commented that the hand my mom was dealt was so unfair, but that we have to trust it’s all part of a grander plan. Very true. I just wish I understood what that plan was… and why it necessitated so much suffering for such a long time…
With the passage of each day, I continue to be keenly aware of changes taking place in me. I have a different outlook on life. It sounds perfectly cliché, but it’s true. Things that used to seem so important are now properly prioritized behind the things that truly matter. My own mortality is very real as well. Nothing drives home the point that we’re only here for a short time like watching someone draw their last breath and cross over into what lies beyond.
Time is moving on for those around me, and they probably look at me and assume everything is “back to normal” – if they even think about it at all. I can’t blame them; before my own experience, I would have thought the same thing. Until you lose a loved one, you can’t grasp the level to which it changes everything. But it does… I’ve spoken with others who have said the same.
Bottom line, you wake up each morning and put one foot in front of the other. You laugh, you cry, you remember, you regret, you wish, you re-evaluate, and you breathe. One breath in, another breath out. Eventually, you trust, things will start to make sense again.
Today’s Caregivers piece talks about what a saving grace writing has been for me… and how what I’ve given has come back to me hundredfold, in amazing ways. Visit the site to read Caregiver Therapy: Putting Pen to Paper.