I try very hard not to let myself go there… to the land of “what ifs.”

Just like the proverbial “coulda, woulda, shoulda,” that line of thinking is terribly counterproductive. Life is what it is; it unfolds the way it’s meant to unfold even if it doesn’t align with our expectations.

I try not to go there, because nothing positive can come of it.

However, sometimes when I’m not watching, “what if” reaches out from the dark of the night and grabs me with its razor-sharp claws. This selfish, cruel character has no regard for my well-being. Try as I might, I can’t escape the monster’s clutches.

I melt into it…

What if after having “one of those days,” I could stop at Mom’s house? What if we could sit and talk for a bit? She would share some pearls of wisdom, a plate of leftovers, and a healthy dose of humor. She’d top it off with a giant mom-hug and all would be right with the world again.

Oh the things we take for granted.

What if?

What if?

What if?

What if Alzheimer’s hadn’t taken her so early?

What if life was fair?

What if bad things didn’t happen to good people?

And then just as abruptly as it appeared, “what if” fades back into the shadows leaving me with an aching heart and a tear-stained face.

For now, I’m me again, keeping the “what ifs” at bay… until next time.