I’m often asked to review books on the topic of Alzheimer’s/dementia caregiving. I’d love to have time to get to all of them, but with limited bandwidth, I’m forced to pick and choose. Today, I’m happy to share Elegy for Mom: A Memoir of Family Caregiving, Alzheimer’s, and Devotion, by Vicki M. Kaufmann. At just over 100 pages, it’s a quick, easy read, yet covers a lot of ground!
In writing Elegy for Mom, Kaufmann’s goal was to share useful ideas and resources based on her own experience caring for her mother. To the degree possible, she wanted not only to offer support, but also to help bring meaning to the journey and reveal some of the blessings that can be found along the way.
Although the author has a background as a counselor, the book is really a very personal look at caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s. In fact, Kaufmann states early on that despite her clinical experience, she was unprepared for the job of caregiver.
She describes feeling emotions so many of us can relate to: first comes denial, followed by anger and depression, and finally, resignation. Kaufmann believes caring for a family member is a spiritual calling and often a “pathway to new levels of grace, courage, creativity, and love.” This resonates with me; through my own journey with my mother, I found courage I didn’t know I had, became a more compassionate human being, and felt a depth of love I didn’t know existed. Ultimately, like the author, I found purpose in sharing our story to help other families.
While no one would choose this journey, I truly appreciate those who can find something positive in the experience. Long-time caregiver and leading advocate Meryl Comer refers to this as “flipping the pain,” which is so fitting. We can wallow in grief and sorrow, or we can find something to be grateful for and even use our experience to ease the pain of others and affect change. Choosing the latter doesn’t mean there will never be sorrowful times when tears flow like a river; it just means that at the deepest level, we choose gratitude over bitterness.
Elegy for Mom is filled with moving original poetry, snippets from Kaufmann’s personal journals, family photographs, and samples of her mother’s original artwork. Each chapter tackles a unique sub-topic, ultimately painting a picture of what could be any family making their way through life with Alzheimer’s – one day at a time.
Throughout the book, the author also includes tips for caregivers, grouped by topic: making the most of visits, dealing with the stress of caregiving, finding the best facility, and even simple affirmation exercises to fuel the spirit of the weary caregiver.
I found Elegy for Mom to be a lovely blend of storytelling, practical tips, helpful resources, touching poetry, and wonderful artwork. It’s a unique compilation based on one family’s experience – both a loving tribute to the author’s mother, Sophia, and a thoughtful, reflective gift to other caregivers. Kaufmann succeeded in crafting a gem that would make a great addition to any collection.
* Update (08.14.16) – Elegy for Mom has received a gold medal in the “Health and Fitness” category and a silver medal in the “How To/Self-Help” category in the Florida Authors and Publishers Association annual contest. Congratulations to Vicki Kaufmann on this well deserved recognition!!
June is Alzheimer’s & Brain Awareness Month in the United States, and I’m grateful to my new friends at the worldwide 
Living through the experience reminded me that my time on earth is limited and there’s no time like the present. It made me sweat the small stuff a bit less. It even made me realize I could leave behind a very comfortable 27-year career with a Fortune 100 company to work for a much smaller non-profit with a strong mission and values I believed in.
Give of your time! Contact your local 
forward with a stamp that could raise millions of dollars for Alzheimer’s disease research. The breast cancer stamp has raised over $83 million since its inception! Click the following link to add your encouragement: 
Do you know someone caring for a loved one who has Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia? Bring them dinner or offer to provide a couple of hours of respite care so they can have a break to do something they enjoy. Drop off some fresh cut flowers or mow their yard. Small acts of kindness go a long way in letting someone know they aren’t alone.
Marilyn’s Legacy: A World Without Alzheimer’s
Once the questionnaires are finished, participants are invited to complete a series of tests that might be likened to brain games. Each activity takes just a few minutes. At 3-6 month intervals, registry members receive email reminders to come back and complete additional activities. The hope is that people will continue to be involved for many years, as the longevity of participation helps researchers understand how our brains change over time.
The Long and Winding Road... 