Turning a New Corner….

24 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Blogging, Caregivers.com, Mom, Ruminations, Saying Goodbye

I actually wrote this piece for Caregivers at the end of last week, knowing that I better get it out while I was feeling inspired… the words are still not coming as easily as they usually do.

Turning a New Corner: Now What?

May you all have a blessed Christmas….

…last Friday at this time…

21 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Mom, Ruminations, Saying Goodbye, Support system

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…we knew we were nearing the end. By early evening, I was convinced Mom would not make it until morning… but she did, and then some. Makes me smile to think that she was in the driver’s seat right up until 12:05pm on Saturday when she left this world.

It still feels as though time is standing still… and has been for the past month. I need to do this, that, and the other, but don’t want to do any of it. Jess and Courtney took care of getting the rest of Mom’s stuff from Eason House yesterday. I had every intention of going with them, but all it took was Jess saying, “We can handle it, you don’t have to go,” to talk me out of it.

As they began bringing stuff in the house, I realized that, for me, this task would have been harder than I anticipated. Just seeing her clothes put a lump in my throat. Sometime today, I need to go through the dresser drawers, but thankfully last night Jess talked me into sorting everything that was piled in the living room.

It was after midnight as we pulled things out and sorted into keep/donate/toss piles. Although I really wanted to put it off, I’m glad it’s done. My back room is full of boxes, but mostly pictures and such. I’ll get to those when I get to them.

I’m not sure if it’s the melatonin I’ve been taking at a friend’s suggestion or just sheer exhaustion, but once I fall asleep, I’m sleeping like a rock. My body clock, however, is way off the mark as I’ve been staying up until 3 or 4am. Last night, I slept in the recliner, woke up at 8:30am and thought I was up for the day until I passed out on the couch and didn’t move until almost 1pm.

photo(20) Expecting a call from the funeral home today to come by… I’ll be glad to have Mom here with me again, although I think she’s here already. My mantle is decorated with fresh pine clippings and strategically placed shiny round ornaments… the other day, Jess and I were sitting here minding our own business and a bright blue ornament fell to the floor – for no reason at all. Nothing had touched the mantle, the Christmas balls had been nestled in pine clippings protecting them from rolling away. Last night, I looked at a bowl of pine cones sitting on the hearth, and there sat a shiny green ball amongst the pine cones. Not only did it “fall” from the mantle, but fell right into that bowl…

Reflection…

19 Wednesday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Mom, Ruminations, Saying Goodbye, Support system, Uncategorized

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Ran some errands today, picked up a few things for Mom’s Celebration of Life. Jess also talked me into making some pizzelles. We had two irons going, so it didn’t take long and I’m glad she suggested it; otherwise, it’s very unlikely I would have made them. Brought back memories of the last time Mom helped us – here at my house in 2009. She was living at Outlook Manor at the time. I remember she sat down right away and knew just what to do, but lost interest quickly. Smart woman – she decided she’d rather eat the cookies than press them. (((smile)))

One of my all time favorite photos – Christmas Eve – Good Ol’ Days

Tonight we sorted through a huge pile of photo albums and pulled more to be scanned for the slide show. I thought we were done until Jess found another huge tub of albums I had forgotten about. Perhaps we’ll get through those tomorrow night and then I can start pulling some jpg’s together.

I am vacillating between being overwhelmed and thinking we have everything covered. And, to be honest, what I’d like to do is just curl up with my favorite blanket for the rest of the winter. Probably a good thing we have so much to do, actually. I’m also extremely thankful for Jess at this time. She’s been staying here at the house, and that has been more of a comfort than I expected.

It’s odd because I usually love my solitude, but not so much at the moment. On the other hand, I really don’t want to be around or even talk to other people right now. Hard to explain. I don’t even really understand it myself… to be honest, the idea of Mom being gone doesn’t even feel real.

Social worker from Kobacker House called today. I guess someone from the “bereavement team” will be calling soon. Their services are available for up to 13 months. I haven’t decided yet whether I’ll take advantage or not…

One thought that keeps running through my head is something a friend said a couple of days ago. Maybe God called Mom home at this time so that she could help comfort the precious babes from Sandy Hook Elementary. When I close my eyes, I can almost envision that – she loved little ones so much. The thought brings me some measure of peace. Just to think of her healthy again and wearing a big smile on her face… surrounded by those sweet children.

The Dispatch ran the obituary today, and I believe it will be in the Butler Eagle tomorrow. I’m pleased with the way it turned out. I had written it while sitting at Kobacker House the night before she passed…

Here are some more of my favorite photos from happier times.