Again, not much to report today. There were quiet, peaceful moments; there were moments of screaming. You don’t know what you will have from one moment to the next. When I got there after work, Mom was laying with her head on Renee’s lap, sound asleep. She sat straight up a couple of times, took a look around, then went right back to sleep. She looked comfortable and content, which certainly beats the alternative.

The girls did say she was more active today; up and walking more than she has been. But, the food (or lack of) situation remains the same. Today, just one Ensure (8 oz) and 2 or 3 crackers. The VPA doc was there for his monthly visit and said this is normal; that at this stage, food no longer tastes good, which explains the scrunched up grimace she gets on her face when she takes the tiniest bite of anything. He said the sweeter the food, the more likely they are to taste and enjoy it. But, hell, she even spit out apple pie the other day…

At this point, to be quite honest, I don’t even know what I feel anymore… I find myself beginning to have hope, then realize – hope for what? For her to be back the way she was ten days ago? I’m starting to feel like this disease has me trapped in a giant unescapable mind game that becomes increasingly complex and confusing each day.

Dealing with ALZ will wreak havoc on a person who likes to have things nice and orderly, and most importantly, planned and scheduled. If nothing else, it has taught me that we have no choice but to take things one day, one moment, at a time.

One day at a time–this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.  ~Author Unknown

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