Back into crisis mode. Spent 8 hours with my mom today after realizing I may as well take the afternoon off – I couldn’t focus on work. She is in a very bad place… again. I would say extremely similar to where we were back in early September.

Made lots of phone calls, more to come I’m sure. Hospice was mentioned again, but I’m not emotionally ready to go there yet after our last horrible experience. As I sat with mom last night, I had flashbacks to that awful weekend, and it made me sick to my stomach. If I have to do it (different hospice, of course!), I will, but going to wait a few days before making that decision.

Doc upped Buspar dosage, and we’re praying that will help. First increased dose was today at 3pm, so it will take a bit of time for it to kick in. The main objective is to keep her calm and settled. She is yelling, hallucinating, and picking at the air a LOT (learned a new term today – didn’t know it had a “formal” name: carphologia; doc confirmed this is a sign that “the end is near” – of course as we learned in September, “near” is a relative term).

My prayer all day today has been for her to find a peaceful place. The torment is just unbearable to watch; I can’t imagine how she must feel actually living it.

Neurologist is going to see her on Monday and assess the situation. Also sending urine out to lab; always worth checking for a UTI.

That’s it for now…. there is a Sominex calling my name. Tomorrow’s going to come too soon.