I arrived at home tonight to find that my two very best friends had been here this afternoon with their elf uniforms on. They completely decorated my house for Christmas, tree and all. Even brought in firewood and left an assortment of hot cocoa and marshmallows. I burst into tears when I saw it and have been sitting here enjoying the tree for the past hour.

I wasn’t going to do any decorating this year; just didn’t seem like there was any point. But, wow, to walk in that door and see this… I actually feel like I have a bit of holiday spirit now. What an amazing and thoughtful thing for Debby & Sheila to do. Beyond blessed to have friends like this…

We had visitors in and out all day at Kobacker House, which was nice. Jess and I continue to be overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from all of our friends, old and new. I know I probably sound like a broken record, but I can’t express my appreciation enough. Thank you for lifting us up in prayer and through your many acts of incredible kindness and generosity. Today, I even received a FB message from a wonderfully talented local musician Jess and I met a couple of years ago, offering to come in to KH and sing for Mom…

As we sat watching Mom sleep across the room this afternoon, I told Jess that I just can’t even believe any of this is real. Seeing her like this is so hard, and sometimes I feel like I’m walking around in a haze, this is really just a nightmare, and I will eventually wake up. How in the hell did we get to this point? It seems like she’s had this disease forever, but the decline in the past three months has been stunning.

She was awake very little today, and even when she was, she wasn’t. Her eyes would open for awhile, but she wasn’t really there. Just staring off into space. No reaction to our voices… nothing. She did seem to be comforted when I stroked her head, but that was about it. Hasn’t had anything to eat or drink. A few drops of water from a toothette swab and a syringe-ful of Ensure as a med chaser.

She had a rough overnight and they did give her morphine about 2am. As mentioned, she wasn’t awake much today, but did have some stretches of agitation this afternoon. In two instances, I was ready to give morphine, but the nurse suggested giving her “regular” meds first to see if they would calm her. Sure enough, the buspar and lorazepam worked both times. KH definitely does not push heavy duty drugs as I thought they would; in fact, if anything the opposite is true. Of course, they do leave the final decision up to the family and had we chosen morphine, they would have administered it.

We had a wonderful Comfort Keeper again today. The fact that HomeReach pays for that service is a true godsend. Just the ability to go home at night and sleep knowing for certain that Mom will never be left alone is so reassuring. Ciara was there from 7a to 7p today and kept notes during her entire shift, then typed them up for me before leaving. Every detail of those 12 hours was documented, from people coming in and out of the room, to changes, to repositioning, meds, applying lip balm, et cetera. I was very impressed. She will be there with us again tomorrow, but the 7p to 11p girl seemed very nice as well.

I really can’t say enough about Kobacker House. Not only is it a beautiful facility ($32 million, all paid for through donations), but the staff has been wonderful. All of the nurses and PCT’s have been friendly and compassionate and have been gentle and kind with Mom. Today, we met the canine companion, Lydan, a yellow lab – one of the sweetest dogs I’ve ever seen. I may have said this yesterday, but it bears repeating. Columbus is very fortunate to have KH.

I feel like we’re where we need to be right now; just knowing we can have a nurse bedside at the push of the button provides peace of mind during what is a terribly uncertain time…  We definitely made the right decision, as difficult as it was. And our Eason House family is still with us every step of the way. Susie was there twice today, along with Renee and Lorraine. It never ceases to amaze me just how much they love my mom…

The worst part of the day is waking up in the morning; the moment my brain engages enough to remember what’s going on. Sometimes I think it would be easier to stay awake 24×7 than to wake up to that realization over and over again. As I said, I just can’t believe this is happening… I can’t believe it’s my mom laying in that bed looking so drawn and frail…