Category Archives: Mom

Happy Birthday, Mom….

12 Sunday Oct 2014

Posted by in Advocacy and Awareness, Grieving, Inspiration, Life After Caregiving, Mom, Ruminations, Smiles

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Dear Mom,

Happy Birthday! I trust there were lots of laughs and plenty of cake in Heaven as it must have been a celebration unlike anything we could have pulled off here. Your parents, Aunt Shirley, Aunt Helen and Uncle George, and so many others who love you.

We celebrated you by doing things you would have enjoyed this weekend, but I guess you already know that. If I’m not mistaken, I looked up on Saturday and saw you smiling down on us. It was likely the most beautiful weekend of October, two gorgeous days strung together. Nothing but sunshine and blue skies. Another tribute to your beautiful life, no doubt.

You are missed by so many people, and I heard from a few of your favorites today. It was nice to know so many friends were thinking of you – and us – all weekend. It just underscores the impact you had on so many lives, and my heart sings to know your legacy lives on.

It helps to think of you as you are today; whole, healthy, laughing, talking, and free of the torment Alzheimer’s often brought you. But, I’ll be very honest – I’m pissed. Furious that this disease took you much, much too soon. Today you would have been 78, and before AD stormed into our lives I would have imagined us traveling and enjoying life – you still in great health at this age. Damn Alzheimer’s for turning my plan – and our world – upside down.

That faceThe fact is, it would be so easy to sit and cry every single day about what we’ve all lost and how unfair it is. Although the excruciating, knife-through-the-heart pain of those initial weeks and months following your death has faded, I think I miss you now more than ever. So many life changes and countless moments where I’ve thought, “I wish I could talk to mom.”

Gone too soon, in more ways than one.

Each day, I try to live in a way that honors your life and makes you proud… I hope you know that despite your physical absence, you are still the guiding light in my life. Tonight, I lit your candle, and just as its flame stands tall and bright, so does your beautiful memory, unwavering strength, and enduring love.

With all my love,

Ann  💜

Elaine Mansfield on Advance Directives: Be Specific

27 Sunday Jul 2014

Posted by in Books, End of Life Planning, Family, Grieving, Helpful Resources, Living Will, Mom, Ruminations, Saying Goodbye, Tips

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Elaine Mansfield, Author

One of the greatest gifts my mom gave me in this lifetime was having her advance directives in order long before Alzheimer’s was so much as a blip on our radar. I remember when she had them done. At that point, I thought, “Okay, that’s done, but I really don’t want to think about. Furthermore, it’ll be forever until I HAVE to think about it.”

And life goes on….

Then one day, in a complete twist of what you believed to be fate, life changes drastically and forever.

Alzheimer’s.

Even with the documents in place and my mom’s wishes crystal clear, the end was agonizing. No one can prepare you for those final days and the sense of helplessness you’ll feel. However, I can’t begin to imagine how exponentially more difficult it would have been if the medical team had been looking to me to make those decisions no one ever wants to be faced with.

Please take a few moments to read this important, thought-provoking piece by my friend, author Elaine Mansfield.

Why I Added Detailed
Advance Directives to my Living Will

 

Elaine’s article has me rethinking my own Living Will and considering adding more detail as she and her husband, Vic, did. This specificity leaves no room for interpretation, and the fact that it’s handwritten also adds a certain level of comfort. It’s one thing to see a typewritten document initialed and signed by your loved one, but seeing these details written in their own hand – I think it might help the mind and heart to reconcile, finding a place of certainty and peace.

If nothing else, I hope this article will encourage you to give some thought to advance directives – particularly if you don’t have anything in place. Don’t leave these decisions to your loved ones; when the time comes, they will be struggling enough without having this additional weight on their shoulders.

___

Elaine Mansfield’s book, Leaning into Love: A Spiritual Journey through Grief will be on shelves in October. It’s one you’ll definitely want to add to your reading list. You can find Elaine on Facebook and Twitter, and of course, you can visit her blog to experience more of her beautiful writing.

Alzheimer’s: In This Moment…

23 Wednesday Jul 2014

Posted by in Advocacy and Awareness, Caregivers, Face of Alzheimer's, Grieving, Guilt and Regrets, Life After Caregiving, Mom, Ruminations

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A good day… always treasured.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written a purely stream of consciousness post, but I’m in that kind of mood.

This week has been emotional, and I’m not sure why. Maybe I’m extra tired or maybe it’s a particularly strong jolt of “reality” hitting. I miss my mom more than words can say. So much has happened, so much I wish I could share with her over a cup of tea or glass of wine.

I try not to question things, but Alzheimer’s is a real “head-scratcher,” isn’t it? I just can’t make sense of any of it. At all. Why? Just why? Why must so many people suffer its wrath? Is there a purpose, and if so, someone please fill me in!

I received a message from a friend tonight, regarding his mother who is struggling with dementia.

My response, pure stream of consciousness with no filter. In this moment.

“I’m sorry… It just sucks – no two ways about it. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was #%&$ing *pissed off* that “it” stole my mom from me – I should have shared my 40’s with her and my 50’s for that matter. I always imagined us having a ball, traveling, etc., for many, many years after her retirement. But it wasn’t meant to be, I guess. I’ll just never, ever understand the unfairness of this disease. I wish I could tell you it gets easier… It doesn’t get easier, but I will say that once I got to a point of true acceptance, it was less difficult – if that makes any sense. That’s what my piece in Chicken Soup for the Soul is about, actually. Acceptance. But it took me way too long; so much wasted time. Just enjoy the time you have with her as much as you possibly can. It is what it is. Go to her world when she can’t come back to yours.”

It is what it is. In this moment.