24 Monday Dec 2012
Posted in Blogging, Caregivers.com, Mom, Ruminations, Saying Goodbye
I actually wrote this piece for Caregivers at the end of last week, knowing that I better get it out while I was feeling inspired… the words are still not coming as easily as they usually do.
Turning a New Corner: Now What?
May you all have a blessed Christmas….
22 Saturday Dec 2012
Posted in Mom, Saying Goodbye
stock photo
As I was driving to the funeral home this afternoon to pick Mom up, I was apprehensive… unsure of how I would feel when I got there. This was just one of those things that had to be done, regardless, and I knew there was no way to predict where my emotions would be at that moment.
It’s cold and dreary today in Ohio, and there’s a light coating of snow on the ground. As I drove toward my destination, I couldn’t help but notice the dark clouds in the sad gray sky. Seemed fitting. But then I realized the sun was behind those thick clouds and subtle as subtle could be, God’s rays were radiating through them. That had to be a sign that things were going to be alright… Before I could get a picture, they were gone.
I arrived at the funeral home and was greeted by a friendly face holding a turquoise-colored plastic shopping bag. Could have really been any shopping bag, but it wasn’t. (((Sigh))) More than slightly unsettling to think all that is left of my mom’s earthly self was tucked away in that bag along with two small candle urns, a guest book, prayer cards, and thank you notes. That quintessential moment when you quickly realize that too much thinking is a very bad thing… the time to shift focus back to the beauty and serenity of God’s rays.
21 Friday Dec 2012
Posted in Mom, Ruminations, Saying Goodbye, Support system
…we knew we were nearing the end. By early evening, I was convinced Mom would not make it until morning… but she did, and then some. Makes me smile to think that she was in the driver’s seat right up until 12:05pm on Saturday when she left this world.
It still feels as though time is standing still… and has been for the past month. I need to do this, that, and the other, but don’t want to do any of it. Jess and Courtney took care of getting the rest of Mom’s stuff from Eason House yesterday. I had every intention of going with them, but all it took was Jess saying, “We can handle it, you don’t have to go,” to talk me out of it.
As they began bringing stuff in the house, I realized that, for me, this task would have been harder than I anticipated. Just seeing her clothes put a lump in my throat. Sometime today, I need to go through the dresser drawers, but thankfully last night Jess talked me into sorting everything that was piled in the living room.
It was after midnight as we pulled things out and sorted into keep/donate/toss piles. Although I really wanted to put it off, I’m glad it’s done. My back room is full of boxes, but mostly pictures and such. I’ll get to those when I get to them.
I’m not sure if it’s the melatonin I’ve been taking at a friend’s suggestion or just sheer exhaustion, but once I fall asleep, I’m sleeping like a rock. My body clock, however, is way off the mark as I’ve been staying up until 3 or 4am. Last night, I slept in the recliner, woke up at 8:30am and thought I was up for the day until I passed out on the couch and didn’t move until almost 1pm.
Expecting a call from the funeral home today to come by… I’ll be glad to have Mom here with me again, although I think she’s here already. My mantle is decorated with fresh pine clippings and strategically placed shiny round ornaments… the other day, Jess and I were sitting here minding our own business and a bright blue ornament fell to the floor – for no reason at all. Nothing had touched the mantle, the Christmas balls had been nestled in pine clippings protecting them from rolling away. Last night, I looked at a bowl of pine cones sitting on the hearth, and there sat a shiny green ball amongst the pine cones. Not only did it “fall” from the mantle, but fell right into that bowl…
The Long and Winding Road... 