I have so many thoughts running through my head. I’ve been sitting here for 30 minutes trying to organize them, but I just can’t seem to do it.
Mom had a good night last night, a so-so morning, and a good afternoon. Even when she started to yell or get upset, I was able to easily redirect her. We walked quite a bit, and just before I left, she’d finished an Ensure and was even making some funny faces and laughing with us. Such a (((great))) thing to see.
As promised, a hospice nurse called this morning to check on us. Talking to her reassured me once again that we made the right decision in going with HomeReach. I hope the experience continues to be as good as it’s been thus far…
Today was my dear “nephew’s” wedding, and although we didn’t stay for the reception, I couldn’t imagine missing the ceremony. I don’t think I was in the room for five minutes before bursting into tears for no other reason than the music and room were beautiful, my mom’s sister was there, and my mom would have loved to see Brandon on his wedding day. She absolutely adored him. As far as the reception, it just didn’t feel like the right time for us to be at a party all things considered, and neither Jess nor I were in the proper state of mind. To be honest, I think our presence would have put a damper on it for everyone.
Just when I start to feel stronger and as though I might have it together, something happens and I fall apart again only to realize that I’m not okay at all. In a way, I feel like I’m walking around in a fog. This week may have been the first time throughout this entire journey that I have accepted my emotions as they are. I can’t deny them or apologize for them. It is what it is. I’m doing the best I can, and that’s all I can do.
I think I’ve mentioned how overwhelmed I’ve been by the support Jess and I have received, especially this past week. It continues to blow me away, and as I said, it makes me want to strive to be a better person myself. While at the wedding, I got a text from Eason House saying that Mom had a visitor. It was one of Jess’ very first clients from back in the Bally days; she’s been training with her ever since and is one of the most kind, caring people I’ve ever met.
She has a very strong faith and has been praying for us throughout. Earlier this week, she told Jess that even though she never knew “gram,” she wanted to visit – she wanted to see the woman Jess had spoken of all these years. After visiting, she left Jess a voice mail telling her how it went, that she felt like they really connected, and she will be going back again. I am in awe of Caroll, really. That is indeed a very special person. I don’t think I can convey how much her kindness to all three of us means right now.
The same goes for everyone who has called, messaged, dropped off food, visited, said a prayer for us, offered help, or just sent some positive vibes our way. I can’t stress enough how much we truly appreciate all of you…