Had problems getting Mom’s pain controlled last night and had a “horrible nurse” experience. Thankfully, Nurse Ratchet II was reassigned and her replacement was great. Situation made its way back to the doc, who brought it up with me today and apologized, saying there was absolutely no excuse for her behavior. I’m glad it was “handled.” This woman doesn’t belong in any role involving caring for people and certainly not in a hospice setting.

It was a mostly calm day. Mom’s breathing returned to “normal” – after 30 to 40 seconds between breaths for a good long while, there is no more apnea. Blood pressure is still holding strong at 113ish/83ish. Such a roller coaster of emotion. I must continue to remind myself that she isn’t getting better – she is just moving through the various end of life stages…

Tonight, they gave her something to try and dry up the secretions in her throat to limit the “rattling” … it isn’t always effective, so we will wait and see, but so far so good. And the big thing is that I don’t want HER to be uncomfortable. If she’s relaxed and not bothered by it, we can deal. However, last night, it seemed to be adding to her distress.

A good deal of time today was spent reminiscing, smiling at the recollection of fond memories, and starting to plan her Celebration of Life. As one major aspect fell into place tonight, I am absolutely positive, without question, that she will be watching from Heaven with a HUGE smile on her face. We’re going to do this right, just as she would have wanted it to be.

We have such an amazing support system and continue to be overwhelmed by everyone’s kindness and prayers. Thank you for lifting us up. There is certainly a Higher Power carrying us through this… otherwise, I would have fallen apart long ago.

Tonight she is resting so peacefully. She really looks beautiful…

And as for Jess and I, we are much more peaceful tonight as well… we continue to watch and wait, until He is ready to welcome her Home.

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