Giving Thanks…

30 Sunday Nov 2014

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Advocacy and Awareness, Caregivers, God Winks, Holidays, Hospice, Inspiration, Life After Caregiving, Mom, Quotes, Ruminations, USAgainstAlzheimer's

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alzheimers, Alzheimers advocacy, caregivers, caregiving, dementia, gratitude, thanksgiving

IMG_3830-beattie The arrival of the holidays brings a flood of competing emotions for me. Exactly two years ago today, we brought hospice on board. It was a time of both despair and relief; things were changing moment to moment, and we had reached a whole new level of helplessness and desperation.

No matter how hard we fought, it seemed as though Alzheimer’s might be winning. Engaging compassionate hospice professionals brought a measure of comfort to a very uncomfortable situation – comfort in knowing we were surrounded by angels who were not only knowledgable, but also caring and empathetic. They were “all in” from the moment they arrived, and I felt like we were the most important family in the world to them.

Two years ago, we still held onto hope that with the intensive support, loving care, and indisputable expertise of hospice, mom might rebound one more time. However, that wasn’t meant to be. So, Thanksgiving remains a powerful, heart wrenching reminder of those final few weeks…

But this is also a time to reflect on the many blessings that have enriched my life over the past year. First and foremost, of course, are my family, faith, friends, and health. Without these, none of the rest would be possible.

I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity to touch and be touched by so many caregivers and advocates through this blog, my Facebook page, the USAgainstAlzheimer’s Support Group, and Chicken Soup for the Soul: Living with Alzheimer’s and Other Dementias.

I’m grateful to have attended the WomenAgainstAlzheimer’s Out of the Shadows Summit this fall in Washington, DC, to be a founding member of ClergyAgainstAlzheimer’s and a contributor to the group’s first book, Seasons of Caring (December 2014). I’m thankful to have been a member of the steering committee for our local Walk to End Alzheimer’s and for the friends and supporters that generously contributed to our team, Marilyn’s Mighty Memory Makers.

I’ve crossed paths with some of the most passionate, inspiring people on the planet and been presented with countless opportunities to make a difference over the past year. I took a leap of faith, leaving the company I’d been with for almost 27 years, to join an organization with a strong mission I believe in. Five months later, I can say with confidence it was the right move and I’m finally where I was meant to be. For those things, I’m grateful.

I’m thankful I have been able to keep my mom’s memory alive, and that her spirit shines brightly on the world every single day. I’m thankful she’s still teaching me new lessons, inspiring me, and that she continues to touch thousands of lives. And I’m thankful to feel her presence on a regular basis.

To say I’m blessed is an understatement, but oh how I miss my mama.

Waiting For Someday

13 Friday Jun 2014

Posted by Ann Napoletan in God Winks, Inspiration, Life After Caregiving, Mom, Ruminations

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alzheimers, alzheimers lessons, dementia

Mom’s Retirement, 1998, Age 62

Life.

The natural ebb and flow.

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

Change is in the air.

I feel like I’ve been particularly introspective this week, in a good way. Having made a huge, life-changing decision, it seems rather fitting. After 27 years, I left the only company I’ve ever worked for as an adult… 27 years. A lifetime. But it was time. Beyond time, probably.

Paralyzed by What Ifs

By nature, I’m not a risk taker. For most of my 48 years, I’ve played it safe. Followed the rules. Colored inside the lines. Did what the world expected. I haven’t taken a lot of chances. Until now.

Mom’s Retirement Party

Seeing my mom suffer the ravages of Alzheimer’s for the better part of a decade. Watching as this disease robbed her of the opportunity to live the retirement she had planned and prepared for so carefully. Friends, travel, the “golden years” we all dream of experiencing someday – for Mom, it wasn’t meant to be.

The lesson is simple – “someday” isn’t promised. For years, I’ve been saying I needed a change. “I’m going to do this” and “I’m going to do that.” But it was all talk and no action. Fear of the unknown always got the best of me. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I fail? What if, what if, what if? Ah, but what if becoming complacent is the real peril?

If my mom had known her fate when she was my age, would she have done anything differently? It’s impossible to say. I suspect she may have taken that Alaskan cruise or gone to Italy rather than putting those dream vacations off until “someday.”

Striking a Balance

Ultimately, there has to be a balance between living for today and preparing for tomorrow. I voluntarily walked away from the “sure thing” to embark on the unknown. To be honest, I still can’t believe I did it. And more than anything, I can’t believe how easy the decision was.

For that, I have to thank my mom. Gone 18 months, yet she is still teaching me about life. It may sound cliché, but I know she’s been guiding me throughout the decision making process. More than once, I told myself I was crazy and tried like hell to talk myself out of the change – but without fail, there was an unexplainable pull back toward taking that leap of faith.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was apprehensive. Change is scary. However, more than anything I’m filled with hope and anticipation. I don’t remember the last time I felt so excited or had such a positive outlook. I’m going to a company whose mission is right in line with my passion – what I do will have a direct impact on providing affordable housing for seniors. I feel like the possibilities are endless and the future is bright.

The Lessons Keep Coming

That’s my mama!

Perhaps there’s a reason I never took the leap before; maybe this was the opportunity that was meant to be. There are a lot of things in life I don’t know, but the one thing I’m certain of is that dealing with Alzheimer’s has profoundly changed my life.

I sweat the small stuff much less than I used to. I take greater joy in the simple things. Those I love, I love deeply and unconditionally, I try to make a difference in the world every day, I pick my battles, and I constantly remind myself that tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Finally, I’m learning it’s okay to color outside the lines…

Thanks Mom…

Raining Buckets & God Winks

03 Wednesday Jul 2013

Posted by Ann Napoletan in God Winks, Inspiration, Life After Caregiving, Mom, Ruminations, Support system

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It’s been raining in Ohio. Non-stop. Sheets and sheets of rain. Morning, noon, and night. In fact, I’ve heard rumors of arks being built all over town. But today, the sun came out, the sky was blue, and it was absolutely beautiful.

Mom, Is That You?

As I was driving home, I couldn’t help but notice the spectacular clouds in the sky and my mind was consumed with how lovely the view must be from Heaven. On a day like today, there’s no doubt the angels were smiling.

It was one of those days where I felt Mom’s presence nearby – actually, I’ve felt it for a few days now, but today she was very intentional about sending a message.

Birth of an idea

A long while back, I began pondering the idea of setting up an Alzheimer’s support group at work. I’ve lost track of the number of people who have approached me, whether knowing our story directly or through a friend or friend of a friend; people who are on their own ALZ journey, looking for advice about this or that, or just needing someone to talk to.

The thought pops into my head, and then I get busy or distracted and forget about it until it pops into my head again. Yesterday something happened to make me begin thinking about it, but this time I decided to actually do something. I sent an email to one of the nurses in Associate Health Services to inquire as to whether this was feasible. Had thought ever been given to creating a group along these lines? How would one go about doing so? I’d be glad to facilitate… yada, yada, yada.

Mystery Envelope

Fast forward to this morning. That same nurse (Sue) left me a voice mail message that literally had me in tears. Leading up to her call I wasn’t feeling emotional at all, but she was just one of those people with one of those voices. Her compassion was evident and the tears came easily.

This afternoon when we finally connected, she gave me some thoughts on getting a group set up. Of course, as with anything in a large corporate environment, nothing is simple, but that’s another post for another day. As we were nearing the end of our conversation, someone came in and laid a piece of inter-office mail on my desk.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I opened the envelope to find a card with a picture of my mom tucked inside. A former co-worker of hers had found it and thought I would like to have it, which in and of itself made me smile. The picture, circa 1988, was adorable – she was participating in some sort of silly office dress up day in typical Marilyn style.

When God Winks

But what really struck me was the timing. I never get mail, and for that to land on my desk just as I was finishing a conversation about creating an ALZ support group at the company my *Mom retired from – prompted by a call I received yesterday from another former co-worker of hers who had a friend looking for someone to talk to about her mother’s worsening ALZ. (By the way, I know that’s a ridiculous run on sentence, but sometimes there’s just no way around it. *sMiLe*)

Call it a God wink, call it a coincidence, or call me crazy, but I took this as Mom whispering in my ear telling me that I should push forward with the support group.

If only I could get her advice on the other 50 things taking up space in my brain!! ♥

* In August, I’ll mark my 26th year with the same company my mom retired from in 1998.