Tired…

12 Wednesday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in End of Life Planning, End of Life Signs, HomeReach, Hospice, Inspiration, Kobacker House, Pharma, Ruminations, Support system

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Too tired for a long post. Suffice to say it’s been an emotional day. At least two people passed today. One was two doors down, and a few minutes ago, they wheeled another by our room. I just don’t even know what to say. I don’t know how these nurses and docs do this day in and day out. They have to be wrung out at the end of a 12-hour shift. Very, very special people.

They cancelled Mom’s sitters, so we are spending the night at Kobacker. I plan to discuss that with someone tomorrow… I am a little perturbed that I was not notified and didn’t realize this until I came in this morning to find Mom alone. I’m giving benefit of doubt right now and assuming some type of miscommunication or misunderstanding.

Today, they put three ports so that meds can now be given subcutaneously. We had an awful incident this afternoon and I won’t go into details, but it’s something I never ever want to witness again. She is at a point where she can no longer swallow, but we found out the hard way when she received a tiny amount of meds via oral syringe and couldn’t handle it. Awful.

We had both the chaplain and social worker in today. Definitely needed the extra support and glad it was available. Tears we plentiful. More and more signs that the end is nearing. The apnea is like nothing I’ve ever seen – up to 20 seconds without a breath. Very difficult to watch, but she is relaxed and comfortable with no signs of distress.

Jess brought some photo albums and so forth back with her tonight so that we can start pulling pics together for a slide show. We also have Mom’s retirement memory book here now and it is jam packed with notes and stories that can only make us smile. She touched so many lives; it’s incredible, really.

Continue to be amazed by the support from friends. Emily came in late tonight after a long day at work plus another commitment, and sat with Mom for a couple of hours. She lives all the way up in Delaware but that didn’t stop her from staying MUCH later than she should have. She’s such a comfort to all of us; what an angel.

Sheila also came after work and sat with me for a few hours while Jess ran some errands for me, grabbed a few things at home for us, and let Tucker out. Again, such a comfort and although she didn’t know my mom pre-ALZ, she is absolutely amazing with her. So gentle and kind, so soothing. She even helped me do Mom’s nails the other day. #Truefriend

Everyone… and I mean everyone has been so wonderful. We have an amazing family of friends. I hope I can return the kindness, I really do. My life has changed – I have changed. I can’t put my finger on it, but life as I knew it will never be the same after this experience.

Tonight, I am sending prayers across the miles to two friends from my high school class. Both have parents with this damn disease, and all three of them went into hospice within a few days of each other. Donalee’s dear mother earned her angel wings last night, and Maria has been sitting with her dad all day, living what sounds like a parallel experience to our own. Sending love and prayers ladies; with you in spirit.

My heart and soul…

One of three ports…

A Person’s Legacy…

11 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Inspiration, Mom, Smiles

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I received an email from a gentleman that worked for my mom when she retired in 1998 … a simple email, but what a gift. It included an email exchange between the two of them from 18 years ago, in 1994. I can’t explain how amazing it is to read something she wrote before her illness…her actual words. Typed with her actual fingers. The things we take for granted…

Of course this is also a testament to the way she touched the lives of everyone she met. That, I would have to agree, is the definition of a legacy.

I thought I would share.

___________

...your mother influenced hundreds of lives (and careers) and I came across a personal example I wanted to share with you. It’s an old PROFS communication I shared with Marilyn over 18 years ago and I just found it when I was cleaning out my archives. This one I think I’ll hold on to.

It was one of those Underwriting Schools that she led and all of us left highly motivated and feeling good about our jobs. Your mom had that kind of an effect on us, and the true measure of a person’s legacy is how they inspire others to success. To that I would say “well done, Marilyn, well done”.

I hope you don’t mind me sending this to you; I just felt you should see it. My guess is that there were many other notes sent to her that were just like this one.

To: NAPOLEM –VMC Marilyn Napoletan

From: D
SOCRO Personal Lines Underwriting
Ext. 6439
Subject: Underwriting #401 School
Marilyn, just a note to thank you again for another enjoyable school.
Cindy summed it up in telling you how special you are to all of us, but
I’d like to add some things to what she said. I attended my first school
March ’88, and in every school since, you’ve always been sure that we kept
our perspective about things. You never let us forget that there is a human
element involved, and that we should bear that in mind as we function in our
business environment. These lessons also carry over to life, and those are
guidelines you won’t find in the “blue pages”…You also made sure that all
of us knew how important we were and you made us feel good about what we do. In underwriting, that’s not easy, but you did it. I hope that this is not my
last class with you, but if it is, I’m sure the better for all that you have
taught me. I feel that I’m speaking for many, many others…..
Regards & Thanks, D

*MSG FROM: NAPOLEM –VMC TO: D –VMC 10/26/94 07:17:06
To: D –VMC

FROM: Marilyn Napoletan, Underwriting, x5912
Subject: Underwriting #401 School
You are too kind! I just got back from a long weekend vaca and your
note topped off the time away. I hope this will not be the last school
that you are able to attend. Hopefully, we will pull together some of
the community underwriters next year to share info and ideas on how best
to work in an independent environment. Also, please don’t forget to
give me a call and we can go to dinner when you are in Columbus. I
have certainly seen you grow tremendously in the past few years and
I know you will be a fantastic community underwriter. There is a
fine line between being that team and still maintaining your
underwriting perspective….I know you can handle that very effectively.
D, thanks again, for the kind words. It is people like you who make
my job easy. I can’t imagine how much I would have missed if I had
never taken this job. It has been an extremely rewarding part of my
life. Have a great week and stay in touch!!

Completely Overwhelmed…

11 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in HomeReach, Hospice, Kobacker House, Mom, Ruminations, Support system

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I didn’t go to bed until 4am, and here it is 12:30am again and I’m still up. I can’t seem to get anything done. My brain won’t shut off, but it isn’t doing a very good job of organizing all of the traffic it’s dealing with at the moment… I feel like I need 100 different lists to keep myself straight.

I sat here for an hour trying to make a “quick” Shutterfly book with pics of Mom before my free coupon code expired at midnight. That was a giant FAIL. It’s started, but nowhere near finished…

Today was an okay day. Mom was a little more “with it” – definitely more so than over the weekend, but still staring off into space. Emily came in at lunchtime just as the nurse brought in some ice cream for Mom. I didn’t think she’d take it, but sure enough she ate about half of the little cup – surprised the heck out of me! That’s the first food she’s had since Friday. Still just taking drops of water from the toothette swab. Not much intake at all…

Med adjustments continue, and she had more “awake” time today. They said she slept pretty well last night on the morphine and 1.5mg of Ativan at bedtime. Pain is still an issue through the day, and I did ask for a breakthrough dose at least once today – very small amount, though. Doc put it in perspective this afternoon when he explained that 2.5mg of sublingual morphine is the equivalent of half of a Vicodin or one third of a Percocet.

Since September, I’ve been telling myself I’d get busy on final arrangements so we weren’t doing it at the very end when emotions will be running even higher than they are now. BUT, thus far I’ve done nothing. Jess and I have talked about some ideas over the past few days. Mom never wanted a funeral or traditional setting; she always said she wanted a party. I’m sure that won’t surprise anyone who knows her.

In any case, we will have a Celebration of Life with a short memorial service. Jess and I would love for people to share “Marilyn stories” from over the years, and we truly want to celebrate her LIFE. It will come together, but we need to get serious about planning. I just know that waiting until the last minute would be a bad idea.

You would think with all this sitting around it would be easy to get things like that done, but actually the opposite is true. I really can’t do much of anything at Kobacker House unless I leave Mom’s room. If I’m in there, every time she moans, I want to be at her side. Tomorrow I think I need to make a point to spend a couple of hours in one of the family areas so that I can get a few things crossed off of my to do list.

Today, I sent the first Comfort Keeper home and called the office to tell them not to assign her to us again. She clearly had no interest in being there, and even less interest in taking care of my mom. The woman that came in at 2:30 was great; never left her bedside, talked to her, and held her hand. Oddly, her birthday is two days after my mom’s. Same year. That makes her 76 years old! She worked 2:30p to 10p today and will be back for 7a to 7p tomorrow. Very easy to see that like Ciara, Cona is meant for this kind of work. Her caring and compassionate nature spoke volumes.