What a ride…

14 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in End of Life Signs, HomeReach, Hospice, Kobacker House, Mom

Mom slept so peacefully all night. Her breathing is perfect – any time I woke up, she sounded the same. Nice breaths, spaced at normal intervals.

The PSA is giving her a bath right now and is talking to her quietly every step of the way… making sure she knows exactly what is happening next and is not scared. Whether she’s awake or asleep, they talk to her constantly…nurses explain everything they are doing and comfort her gently as they go… the staff here is just incredible. What a gift they have.

Doc was in earlier and said she has a strong pulse in the tiniest artery at the lowest point in her foot. He said the process could take longer since her organs are so strong and healthy.

This morning, when I told her I loved her, she opened her eyes so very, very slightly, and a tiny tear came out. Could have been a fluke, will never know. A few minutes later, she blinked her eyes – just once, but I’d like to think that was a sign. It was incredible that even during that apnea, when I talked to her, her breathing would immediately quicken. The nurse said that was her way of telling me she is here and everything is okay.

One minute at a time…

…Short Update

13 Thursday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in End of Life Planning, End of Life Signs, HomeReach, Hospice, Kobacker House, Mom, Ruminations, Support system

≈ 1 Comment

Had problems getting Mom’s pain controlled last night and had a “horrible nurse” experience. Thankfully, Nurse Ratchet II was reassigned and her replacement was great. Situation made its way back to the doc, who brought it up with me today and apologized, saying there was absolutely no excuse for her behavior. I’m glad it was “handled.” This woman doesn’t belong in any role involving caring for people and certainly not in a hospice setting.

It was a mostly calm day. Mom’s breathing returned to “normal” – after 30 to 40 seconds between breaths for a good long while, there is no more apnea. Blood pressure is still holding strong at 113ish/83ish. Such a roller coaster of emotion. I must continue to remind myself that she isn’t getting better – she is just moving through the various end of life stages…

Tonight, they gave her something to try and dry up the secretions in her throat to limit the “rattling” … it isn’t always effective, so we will wait and see, but so far so good. And the big thing is that I don’t want HER to be uncomfortable. If she’s relaxed and not bothered by it, we can deal. However, last night, it seemed to be adding to her distress.

A good deal of time today was spent reminiscing, smiling at the recollection of fond memories, and starting to plan her Celebration of Life. As one major aspect fell into place tonight, I am absolutely positive, without question, that she will be watching from Heaven with a HUGE smile on her face. We’re going to do this right, just as she would have wanted it to be.

We have such an amazing support system and continue to be overwhelmed by everyone’s kindness and prayers. Thank you for lifting us up. There is certainly a Higher Power carrying us through this… otherwise, I would have fallen apart long ago.

Tonight she is resting so peacefully. She really looks beautiful…

And as for Jess and I, we are much more peaceful tonight as well… we continue to watch and wait, until He is ready to welcome her Home.

bear

Tired…

12 Wednesday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in End of Life Planning, End of Life Signs, HomeReach, Hospice, Inspiration, Kobacker House, Pharma, Ruminations, Support system

≈ Leave a comment

Too tired for a long post. Suffice to say it’s been an emotional day. At least two people passed today. One was two doors down, and a few minutes ago, they wheeled another by our room. I just don’t even know what to say. I don’t know how these nurses and docs do this day in and day out. They have to be wrung out at the end of a 12-hour shift. Very, very special people.

They cancelled Mom’s sitters, so we are spending the night at Kobacker. I plan to discuss that with someone tomorrow… I am a little perturbed that I was not notified and didn’t realize this until I came in this morning to find Mom alone. I’m giving benefit of doubt right now and assuming some type of miscommunication or misunderstanding.

Today, they put three ports so that meds can now be given subcutaneously. We had an awful incident this afternoon and I won’t go into details, but it’s something I never ever want to witness again. She is at a point where she can no longer swallow, but we found out the hard way when she received a tiny amount of meds via oral syringe and couldn’t handle it. Awful.

We had both the chaplain and social worker in today. Definitely needed the extra support and glad it was available. Tears we plentiful. More and more signs that the end is nearing. The apnea is like nothing I’ve ever seen – up to 20 seconds without a breath. Very difficult to watch, but she is relaxed and comfortable with no signs of distress.

Jess brought some photo albums and so forth back with her tonight so that we can start pulling pics together for a slide show. We also have Mom’s retirement memory book here now and it is jam packed with notes and stories that can only make us smile. She touched so many lives; it’s incredible, really.

Continue to be amazed by the support from friends. Emily came in late tonight after a long day at work plus another commitment, and sat with Mom for a couple of hours. She lives all the way up in Delaware but that didn’t stop her from staying MUCH later than she should have. She’s such a comfort to all of us; what an angel.

Sheila also came after work and sat with me for a few hours while Jess ran some errands for me, grabbed a few things at home for us, and let Tucker out. Again, such a comfort and although she didn’t know my mom pre-ALZ, she is absolutely amazing with her. So gentle and kind, so soothing. She even helped me do Mom’s nails the other day. #Truefriend

Everyone… and I mean everyone has been so wonderful. We have an amazing family of friends. I hope I can return the kindness, I really do. My life has changed – I have changed. I can’t put my finger on it, but life as I knew it will never be the same after this experience.

Tonight, I am sending prayers across the miles to two friends from my high school class. Both have parents with this damn disease, and all three of them went into hospice within a few days of each other. Donalee’s dear mother earned her angel wings last night, and Maria has been sitting with her dad all day, living what sounds like a parallel experience to our own. Sending love and prayers ladies; with you in spirit.