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The Long and Winding Road…

~ An Alzheimer's Journey and Beyond

The Long and Winding Road…

Category Archives: Heartland

Remembering…

02 Monday Sep 2013

Posted by Ann Napoletan in 4M, Advocacy and Awareness, Behaviors, Eason House, End of Life Signs, Expectations, Heartland, Hospice, Mom, Ruminations, Uncategorized, Weight Loss

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alzheimers, dementia, end of life signs, hospice

mom angelsIt’s nearly impossible to believe a year has passed since Mom began her sharp and unexpectedly rapid decline at the hand of Alzheimer’s.  It was about this time in 2012 that I realized scheduling a big vacation months in advance was a bad idea. At the time, though, things were “okay”… who knew what a difference one summer could make.

Praying for Comfort

There were fewer and fewer good days; she wasn’t eating – beginning to even turn her nose up at some of her favorite sweets – and was losing weight quickly. From that point on, her diet consisted primarily of Ensure until the end. Oh how excited we felt when she would eat a cracker or a couple of grapes; more than that and it was as though we’d hit the lottery, we were downright joyous!

photo-58In those weeks, it was indescribably painful to see her so distraught; screaming, hitting her head, and often inconsolable. In the few rare peaceful moments she had, she would stare at the ceiling, entranced, with a soft smile on her face and eyes almost sparkling. There’s not a doubt in my mind it was the very beginning of her transition. As upsetting as it was, seeing her at peace like that was also an incredible relief, but those moments of respite never lasted long.  All too soon, the terror she was obviously feeling would return.

Time For Hospice?

Finally, the time came where I knew I needed to make a decision. I called hospice to have them come out and do an assessment; unfortunately, we had a mind blowing, horrific experience with the intake nurse. I ended up asking her to leave before the process had been completed. On Monday, I called the office and told them to destroy the paperwork – I had changed my mind (there’s more to the story…).

It was the beginning of the final dizzying, nausea-inducing rollercoaster ride that lasted for the next 3 or so months. I thought I had seen it all, but I hadn’t seen anything yet…

Hopelessly Unpredictable Progression

So crazy to think earlier that same year I truly thought that she could easily live another 10 years or more. Physically, she was strong. But things can – and often do – change very rapidly where this disease is concerned.

Mom wasn’t done fighting, though. While she never bounced back to where she had been, she did turn things around one more time – for a short spell – before that final downward spiral. I went from being certain she only had weeks left to believing she might actually rebound; however, that was not the case. Amazing how your mind plays games, but with this disease, “rebound” is a very relative term…

_____

If you would like to help us raise awareness, research dollars, and funds to help families on this journey right now, visit Marilyn’s Mighty Memory Makers’ page to join the team or make a monetary donation. In just two weeks, we’ll be walking to #ENDALZ.

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Hospice – Officially Day 1

03 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Blogging, Care Options, Caregivers.com, Eason House, Heartland, HomeReach, Hospice, Mom, Pharma

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photo(10)We met our social worker and chaplain this morning. Our nurse was off today, so a sub came in her place, but she was absolutely wonderful. We will meet the “regular” nurse (Mary) sometime this week. The HomeReach team seems great; couldn’t ask for more, I guess. Compassionate, but not pushy. Making it very clear that I still call all the shots. Julie (nurse) was so gentle and sweet with my mom, which, after Nurse Ratched from Heartland, is more of a blessing than anyone can imagine.

Doc wants to try lorazepam every four hours to see how that works. The team did see Mom in an extremely agitated state this morning, which, as much as I hate, was probably a good thing. She had the first two at 4-hour intervals and slept for six hours, just got up for a few minutes, ate a bowl of ice cream, took regular meds, then started getting agitated, so I gave the third one. I am interested to see how she reacts after a day or so.

Yesterday, I gave her two at 4-hour intervals (per the hospice admission nurse) and it relaxed her, but certainly didn’t knock her out. I don’t know if today’s sleep was due exclusively to the Ativan or was also a function of her not sleeping much last night and being exhausted. I guess time will tell. God’s way of trying to teach me to take one day at a time, perhaps?

I hate the thought of her being completely out of it, but it’s also a relief to know she is peaceful and resting. Catch 21. I am praying we can get it regulated to a point where she is relaxed but not sedated. If we can’t get things under control, they suggested we could take her to Kobacker House for a temporary stay, but I want to do everything in my power to avoid that.

The pharmacy also delivered ten syringes of morphine which I now have in my possession. That will be used only if needed, mainly for shortness of breath, fluid in the lungs, and the like. I’ve done some reading up on it, and sounds like that is a common “end of life” use, which I had not previously known. Looking at those syringes made me a little nauseous… all I can do is pray that when God is ready, he will take her peacefully and we won’t need morphine at all.

Mom was snoring like a freight train earlier, and I told Jess it was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard. She needs the rest so badly. When she woke up, she had a moment where she was lucid enough that when I asked if she wanted some ice cream, she responded with a very definite, “Yes, I think I do.”

One of today’s highlights occurred when I was walking behind her holding onto her and Susie got in front and took her hands, she saw that familiar face and said “Susie” as clear as day. We all looked at each other, eyes big as saucers. My dear Susie’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. It was a pretty special moment.

We still don’t know if the neurologist can remain on Mom’s case now that hospice is on board – so many f*cking rules around billing and so forth. Irritates me that I even have to think about that at a time when my mind should be focused solely on what is important – my mom. Just one more example of how seriously broken our system is. The patient’s well being seems to be last thing anyone truly cares about. In any case, I should have an answer on this tomorrow.

In other news, Jess’s car broke down tonight. However as blessings would have it, she was able to get within walking distance of a friend’s house before it died completely. She was going to call AAA to tow her, then walk to her friend’s to get a ride over to Eason House to pick up my car. Her friend’s dad diagnosed the problem as the alternator, they went to Autozone, and he’s fixing it for her tonight. How’s that for good fortune? We’re both extremely grateful.

Tonight, Lorraine suggested moving the love seat into the bedroom, which was a fantastic idea. The noise out in the living room seems to agitate Mom even more, so being back here worked out well today. Now I have a place to sit comfortably while keeping an eye on sweet mama. She can’t safely be left alone for more than a few seconds; earlier when she’d begin to stir, she kept sitting up and almost sliding off the bed…

Reading this back, it sounds completely jumbled and disorganized, which is basically how my brain feels. This morning, I was leaving my number for the social worker to call me back and I couldn’t remember what it was… I actually had to look at my phone to get my own phone number.  I’m still antsy, not ready for sleep yet, and had not planned on staying here tonight, so I don’t have my Tylenol PM, but hopefully a few pages of the boring book I’m reading will take care of that. (((smile)))

Here’s a link to my Caregivers post for today. It’s one that I had previously written regarding intergenerational care, which I think is a fantastic concept: Intergenerational Care: The Start of a Beautiful Friendship

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Up, down, and all around.

19 Wednesday Sep 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Heartland, Mom, Pharma

≈ 6 Comments

So, Susie called me this evening with some great news. Mom ate more today than she’s had in the past three weeks combined. Who knew that having 11 grapes, 8 crackers, a piece of toast (minus the crust), a cookie, 2 Ensures, 5 glasses of tea, and an ice cream bar would be worthy of a celebration! May not have hit all food groups, but it’s some solid food, and a LOT of fluids – I’m not complaining.

Trying not to get my hopes up. It was just one day, and she’s still sleeping a lot. Let’s see what tomorrow holds, but I don’t think she’s ready to give up quite yet…

And to think just four days ago, Heartland was on the verge of loading her up with Haldol and turning her into a zombie… 

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Between 2009 and 2015, Marilyn’s Mighty Memory Makers have raised over $22,000 in the fight to #ENDALZ! To all who have supported us, THANK YOU!!

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