Bittersweet

02 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Family, Mom, Ruminations, Smiles, Support system

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If this photo doesn’t touch your heart, you may not have one.

This is my lifelong best friend sitting with Mom today. Ah, the memories we share! Debby practically lived with us during those turbulent teen years. In fact, she actually did move in once for a few days, dresser drawers and all. (((Smile))) My mom was her second mother and loved her like a daughter (got just as mad at her as her own daughter sometimes, too).

Debby is one of the few who can appreciate the “look that could kill” that we still see from Mom from time to time and the way she says “NO!” when she means business.

Having gone through this with her own grandparents, I can imagine how difficult it is to see Mom this way, yet she is here for us – the good, bad, and the ugly. And that means the absolute world to me, to Jess, and in some sense, to my mom – even now. I firmly believe that although she may not be able to place the face, she knows Debby’s love.

When it is all said and done, Debby, I’ll never forget your love for my mom and your unwavering support over the years. Love you so much.

Faith, Friends, and Brain Overload

01 Saturday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Eason House, HomeReach, Mom, Ruminations, Support system

≈ 5 Comments

Renee sitting with her best friend today at Eason House

I have so many thoughts running through my head. I’ve been sitting here for 30 minutes trying to organize them, but I just can’t seem to do it.

Mom had a good night last night, a so-so morning, and a good afternoon. Even when she started to yell or get upset, I was able to easily redirect her. We walked quite a bit, and just before I left, she’d finished an Ensure and was even making some funny faces and laughing with us. Such a (((great))) thing to see.

As promised, a hospice nurse called this morning to check on us. Talking to her reassured me once again that we made the right decision in going with HomeReach. I hope the experience continues to be as good as it’s been thus far…

Today was my dear “nephew’s” wedding, and although we didn’t stay for the reception, I couldn’t imagine missing the ceremony. I don’t think I was in the room for five minutes before bursting into tears for no other reason than the music and room were beautiful, my mom’s sister was there, and my mom would have loved to see Brandon on his wedding day. She absolutely adored him. As far as the reception, it just didn’t feel like the right time for us to be at a party all things considered, and neither Jess nor I were in the proper state of mind. To be honest, I think our presence would have put a damper on it for everyone.

Just when I start to feel stronger and as though I might have it together, something happens and I fall apart again only to realize that I’m not okay at all. In a way, I feel like I’m walking around in a fog. This week may have been the first time throughout this entire journey that I have accepted my emotions as they are. I can’t deny them or apologize for them. It is what it is. I’m doing the best I can, and that’s all I can do.

I think I’ve mentioned how overwhelmed I’ve been by the support Jess and I have received, especially this past week. It continues to blow me away, and as I said, it makes me want to strive to be a better person myself. While at the wedding, I got a text from Eason House saying that Mom had a visitor. It was one of Jess’ very first clients from back in the Bally days; she’s been training with her ever since and is one of the most kind, caring people I’ve ever met.

She has a very strong faith and has been praying for us throughout. Earlier this week, she told Jess that even though she never knew “gram,” she wanted to visit – she wanted to see the woman Jess had spoken of all these years. After visiting, she left Jess a voice mail telling her how it went, that she felt like they really connected, and she will be going back again. I am in awe of Caroll, really. That is indeed a very special person. I don’t think I can convey how much her kindness to all three of us means right now.

The same goes for everyone who has called, messaged, dropped off food, visited, said a prayer for us, offered help, or just sent some positive vibes our way. I can’t stress enough how much we truly appreciate all of you…

“I Love You”

30 Friday Nov 2012

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Eason House, HomeReach, Hospice, Mom, Ruminations, Support system

≈ 4 Comments

Three little words that mean so very much. Mom was mostly peaceful today. She wanted to walk quite a bit early this afternoon, so we walked, but she was clearly exhausted and could barely hold her eyes open. She had a piece of toast, two Ensures, ice cream, and some grapes. Once she finally settled down in her favorite chair, she was full of kisses and a very clear “I love you.” Amazing how that phrase becomes more and more precious with every day. I’m not sure how many more times I’ll hear it, but I’ll treasure each one.

I’m glad this day is over. We met with Bonnie, an absolutely wonderful, compassionate, genuine nurse from OhioHealth’s HomeReach Hospice. The way she approached my mom was night and day from the way the nurse from Heartland came at her. In fact, she was able to take her blood pressure, pulse, listen to her lungs and heart all without Mom making a peep.

So, the admission process is complete and the team assigned to my mom will be out on Monday. I feel as good as possible in a sh*tty situation. I am 100% confident in the decision to bring hospice on board at this time, and I think HomeReach is the right choice. Bonnie called me back a few hours after our meeting to update me on her discussion with Dr. Mestemaker, and I feel like we have a plan in place. Should things get worse, we can call at any time over the weekend and they will send someone out. Kobacker House – on a temporary basis until meds are worked out – is also an option, but I have made it clear that I will only consider that if we have no other alternative. I want her to stay put where she is comfortable and surrounded by people who know and love her.

It was an emotional day… an emotional week, actually, and the first part of next week will likely be the same as we meet individually with members of our HomeReach team (social worker, chaplain, etc.). After that, I imagine we will fall into a routine of sorts, but we’ll know we have another layer of support anytime we need it.

Jess and I are both absolutely overwhelmed by the love and support we’ve received throughout this ordeal and particularly this week. Texts, emails, FB messages, and calls, all of which are more helpful than anyone can imagine. Just knowing people are praying for us and sending so many positive thoughts is helping to lift us up and give us strength when we need it the most. We truly can’t say thank you enough.

Our Eason House family continues to be incredible, and there are no words to describe the blessing they are. They’ve been there every step of the way, caring for my mom as if she was their own mother or grandmother, always there when we need them, and right alongside us with tears of their own. Such a rare and special group of people…

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Tim sat with mom for awhile. We were shocked when he mentioned the little watusi dance they used to do and she actually started doing it in the chair!