Yep, I was dreaming…

Well, not really. Mom did have a great day yesterday and a really good one today – until about 5:30pm.

I arrived just before 6pm, welcomed by loud yelling, and right in time to see her take a healthy swing at Susie.

Amazing how quickly the tide can turn, isn’t it?

Seemed like she was hallucinating – fixated on something or someone and really giving them hell. She was in her own little world. Once again, a harsh reminder that this disease doesn’t go away.

In a sense, ALZ defies logic. Generally, when someone is sick, the natural progression is for them to get well again. Even with the worst of illnesses, there is typically at least hope for them to recover. And then there’s ALZ.

With the month or so that we’ve just experienced, a couple of decent days can cruelly trick this silly little bit deep down inside of you into thinking things might be okay. That perhaps the worst is over. I know, it’s crazy. After all, a sensible person of even average intellect should be able to grasp the fact that nobody recovers from this illness, and the worst is yet to come.

The thing is, rationally, you do know there’s no escaping it, but that doesn’t matter. It still plays illogical, nonsensical games with your mind and with your heart.

Am I dreaming?

It’s funny, in the past month, there have been times where I had to stop and think whether something that happened with Mom was real or I’d dreamt it.

Today, I’m happy to say that all of the pictures above are 100% real. She had a stellar day – a day the likes of which I never thought we’d see again. The weekend was pretty good, too, but today was beyond amazing. I do have to admit that I chickened out of going over after work for fear that she would have lapsed back again. I think if she had been sundowning and agitated in the least, I would have been disappointed. So, I decided to just hang onto everything that Jess and the Eason House gals had shared with me, and hope tomorrow is as good.

We had a really nice visit yesterday. She was very tired, but extremely affectionate and snuggly. I could have easily cuddled with her all day – I love those moments.

Little by little, she has been eating more solid food; the past three days, easily the most she’s had in a month. Still not eating actual meals, but today she had toast, a banana, strawberries, crackers, cheese, cookies, and pretzels, in addition to Ensure. While I was there yesterday, she ate a whole individual cup of chocolate pudding. I had to feed it to her, but when she tasted it, she made her old “mmm, that tastes so good” face. ♥

I shudder to think where we would be right now had hospice been permitted to go forward with Haldol. We may be losing her bit by bit, but there’s no reason to hurry God’s timeframe.

On another note, check out this piece written for Caregivers – it’s all about the beauty of synchronicity. (There is a slight possibility of browser problems, as this post was done pre-techie-intervention, but thus far, issues have been minimal.)

Today’s gift… and bit of levity

Well, it’s been a week since I’ve seen it, but I finally got a smile! Mom was asleep on the sofa when I arrived at Eason House after work. At one point, she opened her eyes, so I knelt down to her eye level. She picked up her head, smiled the most beautiful smile, and said “Hiiii”…She has the sweetest way of saying it sometimes… as if she is just soooo happy to see me – she kind of draws out the “i”… “Hiiiii.”

You would have to hear it – and see the expression on her face – to understand, but today, it made my heart sing.

After that one little moment, she alternated between sleep and minor agitation, but boy was it nice to see that smile.

On another note, I had to laugh. The neurologist’s office called today. “Dr. F. wants to know if you think your mom is too confused…”

EXCUSE ME!!???

Well, for starters, can you please define “too confused” when referring to a person with ALZ!?

I have all the respect in the world for this doctor, and medical science is a wonderful thing – but damn – what a dumb question.