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The Long and Winding Road…

~ An Alzheimer's Journey and Beyond

The Long and Winding Road…

Category Archives: Helpful Resources

Leaning Into Love: A Book About Love, Loss, Grief, and Rebirth

02 Sunday Nov 2014

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Books, Caregivers, Grieving, Helpful Resources, Inspiration, Life After Caregiving, Saying Goodbye

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

bereavement, elaine mansfield, grief, grieving, leaning into love

I met Elaine Mansfield just before my mom’s death. I can’t remember the exact circumstances, but somehow through a friend of a friend on Facebook. There are some people you’re immediately drawn to; you don’t know why, but you feel as though your souls are connected in some mystifying way. It’s as if you’ve known them for years. That’s how I feel about Elaine.

 

Elaine & Vic:  A Love Story

Slowly, I came to know her story. This was a fascinating woman who had lived (and continues to live) an extraordinary life. The one thing that resonated most, though, was the love story of her and Vic. While I do believe in “forever love,” I don’t think it happens often, and maybe that’s just a function of people giving up when the going gets though. Elaine and Vic’s relationship, however, is proof that love can stand the test of time and survive all of life’s many ups and downs.

You can read more about Elaine and her background on her website and blog, ElaineMansfield.com, but I’m here to tell you about her newly released book, Leaning Into Love: A Spiritual Journey Through Grief. Pour a cup of hot tea, curl up in your favorite blanket, and grab this book. It will draw you in and hold you until the final page.

The Many Layers of Love

Stone cairn on Elaine’s land where Vic’s ashes are buried.

When I read Elaine’s work, whether a blog post, article, or this book, I find myself fully immersed in her world. The imagery she creates through words is uniquely beautiful; as you read, it’s as though you’re peering through a peep hole, watching intently as things unfold. Her writing has a spiritual depth such that you’ll walk away from any of her work with a changed perspective.

Leaning Into Love begins in early 2006, when Vic develops a persistent case of what appears to be the flu. We journey along with the couple through his cancer diagnosis and the ensuing months. Elaine shares the raw emotion that naturally accompanies a life altering event like this, and one of the things I love is her honesty. There is no sugar coating; the emotions portrayed are as real as it gets.

It’s a touching reminder that even in the most loving relationship, stress takes a toll. People lose patience; they say and do things they regret later. I found it refreshing to read not only about this couple’s unconditional love and boundless support for one another, but also the moments of frustration and rebellion. We’re all human. We’re conditioned to think true love looks like a Hallmark commercial, but alas, it has its share of bumps in the road. Bravo to Elaine for sharing both sides of the story.

His Holiness, the Dalai Lama

Colgate University, 2008

The teachings of the Dalai Lama are woven throughout the book, and we see what a crucial role this great man played in the lives of the Mansfields. One of the most poignant moments in the book comes when Vic, nearing the end of his battle with cancer, meets with the Dalai Lama at a Colgate University event.

Colgate’s president Rebecca Chopp introduces the panel members and welcomes His Holiness. Then she nods to Vic, who walks toward the Dalai Lama holding a silk wrapped copy of his book and bows deeply.

The Dalai Lama steps off the podium, moves close to Vic, and peers intently into his eyes. His voice breaking with tears, Vic thanks His Holiness for the spiritual, political, and intellectual inspiration he has given him, his students, and the world…

Death would come shortly, but for that moment, hearts overflowed with nothing but joy, love, and light. A proud moment Elaine will treasure forever.

Rebirth

In the second half of Leaning Into Love, we accompany Elaine on a new journey as she begins to find herself following Vic’s passing. As time marches on, the author begins to unlock the mystery of who she will be without her soulmate by her side. During this time, she finds that creating rituals helps to sooth her soul and quiet her mind. Slowly she becomes acquainted with her new self.

Despite catastrophe and repeated failures, new life persists and eventually takes flight. Even though the bluebirds lost everything, the female has a new nesting cavity by now and warms a new clutch of eggs. Birds do not understand hopelessness or failure. They keep trying…

Like wrens, my solitary life is plainer and less exciting than my old life, but there is still potential. Like the wrens and bluebirds, I will not give up hope.

Elaine, 2014

Inspiration. Despite it all, there is hope. Life changes; it ebbs and flows. We lose the ones we love and at the same time we grow and morph into new people ourselves. It’s a rebirth of sorts.

Our priorities change; perhaps if we’re lucky, through the tragedy, we find our purpose in life. We miss them more than words can describe, and there are days when all we can think of is what our lives used to be like. Through Leaning Into Love, Elaine shows us that life does go on following great loss, and it can be stunningly beautiful and filled with depth and purpose.

Thank you, Elaine.

__

You can find Leaning Into Love on Amazon (don’t forget to use Amazon Smile!) and visit Elaine’s website to learn about her upcoming events, including a November 8th TedX Talk in Corning, NY. Be sure to bookmark Elaine’s blog, and follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

 

 

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Still Alice: Bringing Alzheimer’s into the Spotlight + Book Giveaway

20 Monday Oct 2014

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Advocacy and Awareness, Books, Early Onset, Events, Face of Alzheimer's, Facts & Figures, Films, Giveaways, Helpful Resources, Inspiration, Ruminations, USAgainstAlzheimer's, Washington

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

alzheimer's books, alzheimers, alzheimers awareness, dementia, still alice, younger onset alzheimers

_____ CONTEST CLOSED _____

“Interesting subject, seems it’s becoming very topical.”

Last week, I attended a wonderful fundraiser featuring Dr. Lisa Genova, author of the New York Times best selling novel, Still Alice.

I overheard the aforementioned statement at the reception prior to the main event. Becoming very topical??? Excuse me if I’m a bit passionate, but this illustrates the fact that we have much more work to do. While awareness has increased significantly over  the past 10 years, the mainstream population still doesn’t grasp the gravity of the epidemic we’re facing.

Those of us personally affected understand the urgency surrounding Alzheimer’s. We are terrified that we might be next. This disease has changed our perspective in countless ways, but there are too many people who are still in the dark. It’s often said there are two kinds of people; those who have been personally touched by Alzheimer’s and those who will be.

Educating the Masses

Moments after hearing the rather lackadaisical remark, I had the opportunity to meet Dr. Genova, herself a neuroscientist by education. I thanked her for all she’s doing to raise awareness among the masses because she is reaching people who wouldn’t typically seek out a book about a woman with Alzheimer’s. Book clubs across America are reading Still Alice; people are being touched deeply and inspired to get involved. Readers are beginning to understand the disease and talk about it. With that we’ll begin chip away at the stigma and shame associated with dementia.

Remember when no one wanted to utter the word “cancer” or discuss HIV? It wasn’t until movements were created around these killer diseases that things began to change. My sincere hope is that the press Still Alice is receiving will stir the masses. The reality is, people need to get good and pissed off. Every son, daughter, husband, wife, partner, brother, sister, friend, neighbor, co-worker must understand that sooner or later they too will experience the wrath of Alzheimer’s firsthand unless we take action in a major way.

Graphic: USAgainstAlzheimer’s

We must let our government know it’s absurd to think that Alzheimer’s disease is the only leading cause of death without a means to cure, prevent, or even slow its progress. It’s utterly  incomprehensible that we’re spending $215 billion annually on Alzheimer’s care in the United States and a mere $500 million on research. And people need to know that this is not just a disease of the elderly.

Understanding Younger Onset

In Still Alice, Alice Howland is a brilliant cognitive psychology professor and world-renowned linguistics expert, who at age 50 begins to have trouble finding words. She’s becoming increasingly confused, disoriented, and forgetful. This highly accomplished, well educated, far from elderly, woman has younger onset Alzheimer’s. The disease takes hold and doesn’t let go.

I must be honest. I’ve had this book on my Kindle for several years, and I haven’t worked up the courage to read it. There’s something about the idea of knowing what it feels like in those early years. Fear, denial, a desperate desire to keep the secret and hide the fact that something is terribly wrong. These are all things my mom must have experienced, and the thought of that breaks my heart. She must have felt so alone in those early years, quite possibly even before she retired at age 61, as she started to realize the brain she had always taken for granted was now failing her.

You are so much more than what you remember.

Dr. Genova’s exhaustive research included speaking with many individuals living with younger onset Alzheimer’s. While the book is a work of fiction, it’s very much based in the reality of living with this disease. People in their 40s, 50s, and 60s are living Alice’s story every single day. As my 50th birthday looms around the corner, that hits a little too close to home.

Still Alice, the movie, will be released widely in January, and there is already talk of multiple Oscar nominations. As someone whose life was changed forever by this horrific disease I am so thankful to Dr. Genova, executive producer Maria Shriver, and everyone involved in the making of this film. Together, they are making a difference, changing the way America views Alzheimer’s, and helping to bring it out of the shadows.

Raise Your Voice

Last month at the WomenAgainstAlzheimer’s Summit in Washington, we heard from leading researchers Dr. Reisa Sperling (Brigham and Women’s) and  Dr. Kate Zhong (Cleveland Clinic) among others. Their talks were filled with hope. Great work being done in research centers across the country, and each day we’re getting closer. The day will come when we have a cure or at least a viable way to slow the disease’s progression, but we have to keep fighting.

Graphic: USAgainstAlzheimer’s

In a few weeks, we’ll be heading to the polls. There’s no time like the present to call or write your senators and representatives! Let them know how important this issue is. Remind them that every 67 seconds, someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and that if we remain on the current trajectory, the cost of care in the U.S. alone will exceed $1.2 trillion by the year 2050. Tell them your personal story. Let your voice be heard!

Postscript

After writing this piece, I gathered my courage, sat down, and read Still Alice cover to cover. While the book is fiction, I believe the author’s careful research resulted in a very realistic depiction of younger onset Alzheimer’s. Alice’s story is tender, frightening, and certainly thought-provoking, but mostly, it’s a wonderful reminder that our loved ones living with dementia are very much alive and present.

Those living with this disease are capable of experiencing love and joy, just as they are able to feel sorrow and loss. We must remember they still have so much to contribute to our world and they deserve every opportunity to do so. As critical as research is, we must also focus on those living with Alzheimer’s today and do everything possible to support their needs and the needs of their families and caregivers. 

giveaway

 

 

One lucky reader (continental U.S only, please) will receive a copy of Still Alice, signed by the author. To enter, simply leave a comment on this post. A random winner will be drawn on November 1st to mark the beginning of Alzheimer’s Awareness Month. Best of luck!

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When Caring Takes Courage: A MUST HAVE Caregiving Guide

06 Saturday Sep 2014

Posted by Ann Napoletan in Books, Caregivers, Giveaways, Helpful Resources, Tips

≈ 50 Comments

Tags

alzheimer's books, alzheimers, caregiving, dementia, mara botonis, when caring takes courage

9/21/14 – Thank you to everyone who entered! The randomly chosen winner of a copy of When Caring Takes Courage, by Mara Botonis, was “Linda.” Linda, please look for an email from me!!

__________

As I sit down to write this long overdue piece, I can’t help but be struck by how many wonderful people I’ve met through dementia advocacy. It’s safe to say that as a whole, these are some of the most gifted and compassionate human beings on the planet. Each has a unique story, but those stories are the common thread that creates such a bond between us.

Mara Botonis falls into that category. To be honest, I don’t recall exactly how we first crossed paths; however, I do know we were instant friends. I’m grateful that social media provides an avenue for meeting people all over the country – and the world, for that matter. Continue reading →

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Marilyn, BA (before Alzheimer's)

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